In my life...

SHE LIVES!!!!!

2011-08-18T00:20:00.000-04:00

I haven't forgotten you, dear little blog.

Real life just took over.

I think I'm ready to come back...

Rapid Fire Thoughts.

2010-10-20T04:42:00.001-04:00

Dry ice is cool.
I find it odd how everyone loves horror movies this time of year.
I'm kinda hungry.
I really love the new netflix setup for the PS3.
I really need to finish my art projects.
I wish I had a model that looked like a young Tom Waits. I need models who aren't traditionally beautiful.
I can't see Nick Stahl without picturing him as That Yellow Bastard from Sin City.
Paint, sculpey and paint brushes are the only thing on my Xmas wish list.
I wonder if anyone will read this.

Come on up to the Tree House...

2010-10-11T19:50:00.000-04:00

Sitting here watching every Tree House of Horror made to date, eyeballing my candy cauldron. It wouldn't hurt if I ate a little bit. Maybe a kit-kat. Just one.

I am a happy girl...

This is Halloween.

Too many thoughts!

2010-09-05T06:50:00.002-04:00

They whirl around in my head like the fake snow in a snow globe. I can't focus on one simple thing. I've tried crocheting again. All I can make are single strands. I can't concentrate on it long enough. I got all my stuff out to create and now I got nothing.

ARGGGGHHHHH!!! Too much going on in my head.

I hate it when I'm like this.

Happy Pills and Head Shrinkers...

2010-08-31T21:01:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow I start at mental health. I finally decided to get help for my crazies. I can't deal with the mood swings and the crushing depression anymore. I can't deal with the thoughts of self harm and suicide. I had my first anxiety attack so I know whatever is wrong in my head is getting worse.

I'm scared. I'm worried. It has to stop.

The time has come to do something.

2010-06-26T03:54:00.002-04:00

Best. Birthday. Ever. Stormtroopers and mc chris. Sometimes life is good to me.

It isn't even real rain...at...all...

2010-06-22T08:10:00.000-04:00

I try and try to just find that happiness in my life and for some reason it keeps getting yanked away from me.

But I keep trying. I wipe away my tears and keep going. I find solace in my friends and my art and I push on. I may never be happy again, but that's not going to stop me from looking.

Maybe one day.

Happy Birthday to Me.

Shame on me.

2010-04-26T06:15:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I'm not good at this blogging thing.

What is happening in my life? Lots of photography, lots of friends, lots of worry.

Same ol' same ol'...

I am feeling like I have talent for the first time in a very long time. I'm trying new things, experimenting with new styles. I need a web page. I need some business cards. Maybe I should start a blog to showcase my work.

This is the first time I've felt like showing off.

The hope is returning in my life.

A sigh of relief

2010-03-29T07:48:00.002-04:00

Just to let everyone know, I'm OK.

Downswing is passing and I'm feeling better.

Slowly but surely.

It was pretty bad but there was no harm. Just a lot of tears.

So Many Tears Again...

2010-03-27T07:02:00.003-04:00

I've been hit with another downswing.

I feel so bad. So broken. So useless. So alone.

I hurt. All over.

This one is really awful. Stuff in my head is loud. Bad thoughts. Hurtful thoughts. Dangerous thoughts.

"Chicken" isn't helping. I am really having a hard time putting myself in balance. Too far on the end.

I have tried for days to finish the picture from the fashion show. I can't. I'm too jumbled.

I just can't focus. Can't shut my brain up. I'm sorry, Ashley.

I can't even play the XBox.

The thoughts are the worse tho. I'm starting to get scared.

I Want to Break Free

2010-03-04T12:59:00.002-05:00

I am trying to break free of what I have become. Stagnant, predictable, and uninspired. I want to be so much more.

Ashley is helping me even if she doesn't know it. She is so much younger than me and yet she is one of the people I wish I was most like. She thinks she juggles too much. I just wish I was brave enough to take as much on as her.

I panic at the thought of joining a new website! The fear of being judged, rejected, and laughed at are very much still real in my brain. What I wouldn't give to just DO something and put myself out there.

I know who I am. My personality isn't changing. I just want to be a better me.

Yesterday was a rollercoaster.

2010-02-18T10:52:00.002-05:00

Ups and downs, ups and downs.

The day started off ok. I got my lens! It's awesometastic! I also got a final due bill. $333 bucks. Not so awesome. Then my phone came in! YAY! New groovy phone-ness! I wasn't expecting it till today.

Then we had our first run at auditions. No one showed. I know it's cause we didn't advertise as well as we should. We're gonna remedy this and keep trying.

Can't help but be disappointed tho.

Then when I got back, Caine was on the phone with Wal-Mart. They're replacing my 100$ brick. Which is cool but I already shelled out money for the new one.

Oh well... Ebay here I come!

I have boobs & I can play Halo!?!? SHOCKING!

2010-02-12T05:36:00.003-05:00

There are three things in this world that makes me happy. The people who love me, video games, and horror. Most of you know this. Those things make my world go round. I have no problems with two of them. Its the gaming that has ruffled my tail feathers today.

I love to play on Xbox Live. I really do. Getting to play games with my friends that live far away makes me smile. It's the random "boys' that have pissed me off.

Let me break it down for you...

Just cause I have tits and a va-jay-jay does not give you the right to send me a message asking me for "noodz". Nor does that give you the right to beg me to describe in detail where you want me to have you stick your tiny little dick. It ain't gonna happen. Move on.

Just because I am female does not mean I need your help playing a game. If I need help I will ask for it. Being a chick does not equal stupid.

Just because I am a girl and you are a boy does not give you the right to think that I am not a "real gamer" what ever the fuck that means.

Just cause I am a girl doesn't mean that I am not good at a game.

Just cause I am a girl and I am kicking your ass at a game does not give you the right to LEAVE a game. I'm sorry if losing to the fairer sex makes you butthurt. Go cry to your Mommy.

Just because I am totally destroying you at any game does not mean you have the right to call me a bitch, whore, or a cunt. I'm just going to laugh at you anyway and still win the game.

Oh, and it's not just the guys. I have only played with a few girls that stayed for a full game. the other girls, the "Live Ho's" as I like to call them don't like it when another female comes in to their territory. I am not here to steal your online hook up.

I'm a good gamer. I'm a girl. I just want to play.

Just like anyone else.

Things I think when in an altered state....

2010-02-03T04:56:00.002-05:00

So I'm sitting here really um.... altered.

Sometimes I have these epiphanies.

I figured I'd write them down...

I have come to the conclusion that I freakin' love 90's sitcoms when altered. Nick at Nite is the best!

Sweet tea kicks ass.

So do bright crawlers.

and swiss cake rolls.

The fashion on The Cosby Show is so fantastic. I wish I was a Cosby kid.

Awake and thinking. Not a good combo...

2010-01-28T06:41:00.002-05:00

I should be asleep. I've got plans with Dustin.

I've also got a bit of the blues.

Lots of thoughts, both good and bad. Too much clutter in my noggin. Not fun.

I should be happier. I'm really excited about the little projects Ashley Marie & I have started on. I think the Anthem Independent Theater Group (or the AITG for short) [Title subject to change.] is going to be a hit. I came up with four 10 min one acts that should be great! Now we just need actors.

Not to mention the photo projects we have bubbling on the stove.

There is so much going on. My life is filled.

Why do I feel so empty?

Something different from me...

2010-01-20T01:07:00.004-05:00

buy me here

I know I'm not one to usually post something like this, I usually leave the fashion stuff to Ashley, but I really dig that necklace.

Who wants to spend $75.00 on me?

I live it every day...

2010-01-17T23:26:00.003-05:00

Damn right I do. NL4L! Nerd Life 4 Life.
Thanks Ashely for taking this & thanks Brandon for the letters. Gotta love drunken sharpie tattoos!

My new crush...

2010-01-11T02:06:00.004-05:00

How cute is Adam Richman. Man v. Food is awesome. Why do I find funny, kinda chunky guys so sexy? *sigh*

I'm gonna be glad to see this year end.

2009-12-30T09:06:00.002-05:00

Cause in a nutshell, it sucked ass. 2010 has to be better...

But I refuse to dwell on the past. Instead I am going to focus on moving forward. I have great friends, I'm loved, I have a home and I'm not too bad off in the health area.

My life could be worse.

Fashion Emergency!!!!

2009-12-04T00:41:00.011-05:00

It's that time of year, Festivus!!! That means the one time of year I get to be all kinds of girly and wear fancy clothes. This is a problem for me. You see, I know nothing about dresses. So I am asking all my fashion forward friends to help me out. Look at these & tell me what you guys think!!

Casual-Plus.com

^This may be my favorite one. ^

Pacificplex

Thanksgiving: The Aftermath.

2009-11-27T11:11:00.003-05:00

So the day started off wonderfully. We had a good time at Birdie's (Caine's grandmother), then we went to Susan's (Caine's aunt). We played with B and Maddie. It was wonderful! I had a good dinner. Good food. I almost regretted the hum-bug posts I had made on facebook.

Almost.

Then we got to My family's dinner. I realized why I hated the holidays. Fighting, drama, seeing my grandmother upset. The story of my life.

My father has embarrassed and hurt me and my mom for the last time.

So you want to know what I was thankful for? I'm thankful I have my life, I'm thankful for my friends, I'm thankful for some of my family, I'm thankful I am loved.

I'll be thankful when xmas is over.

My words for today...

2009-11-18T10:15:00.002-05:00

Not A Pretty Girl- Ani DiFranco

I am not a pretty girl
that is not what I do
I ain't no damsel in distress
and I don't need to be rescued
so put me down punk
wouldn't you prefer a maiden fair
isn't there a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere?

I am not an angry girl
but it seems like I've got everyone fooled
every time I say something they find hard to hear
they chalk it up to my anger
and never to their own fear
and imagine you're a girl
just trying to finally come clean
knowing full well they'd prefer you
were dirty and smiling

and I am sorry
but I am not a maiden fair
and I am not a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere

and generally, my generation
wouldn't be caught dead working for the man
and generally I agree with them
trouble is you gotta have yourself an alternate plan
and I have earned my disillusionment
I have been working all of my life
and I am a patriot
I have been fighting the good fight
and what if there are no damsels in distress
what if I knew that and I called your bluff?
don't you think every kitten figures out how to get down?
whether or not you ever show up

I am not a pretty girl
I don't really want to be a pretty girl
no I want to be more than a pretty girl.

Coming soon....

2009-11-17T19:52:00.004-05:00

An imaginary band made up by me in a flu fueled haze.

I told Dut we should start this band. He vetoed it.

However today, after a night of deliberation, he decided it would make an excellent band name.

He made 3 different posters. This one is my fave.

I think we should book a night at the VFW club.

We're so going to hell.

MY Festivus wish list.... Sorta.

2009-11-10T05:58:00.003-05:00

I found the dress I want to wear to Festivus. I think it will fit me so nice! Unfortunately, I don't know if I will find it. You see, I want a dress like Alex Borstein wore for the Family Guy Presents Seth and Alex's Almost Live Comedy Show. It was awesome! So I am begging everyone to help me look for this dress...

Sadly no photo so here's a video Alex doing Marlee Matlin doing Lady Gaga...

2009-10-25T04:29:00.003-04:00

I took this picture Friday.

This is my favorite picture I took all night. I see the smiles on the faces of two people that means so much to me. I just wanted thank them for letting me be part of their lives.

It's been a very long strange trip... I hope it lasts.

Just once...

2009-10-15T18:55:00.003-04:00

I wish my family wouldn't depend on me to fix things.

I can't rescue those that are lost anymore. It's not my job. She's an adult now. It's not my problem. They're garnishing your wages & you have no money. It's not my problem. She comes back into the picture & cause all kinds of trouble. It's not my problem.

But it is. It will always be. They don't have anyone else.

I'm trapped.

I can't do this. I'm sorry. I just want to be happy. Everyone else is. Why not me?

I don't get to be. I just get to pretend.

Pretend to be happy and fix things.

What are the magic words to make me disappear? Cause if I could, I would.

This made me laugh.

2009-10-13T12:33:00.001-04:00

1957 vs. 2007

Scenario 1:
Jack goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck's gun rack.
1957 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2007 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario 2:
Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.
1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2007 - Police called and SWAT team arrives -- they arrest both Johnny and Mark. They are both charged them with assault and both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario 3:
Jeffrey will not be still in class, he disrupts other students.
1957 - Jeffrey sent to the Principal's office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2007 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The school gets extra money from the state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario 4:
Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.
2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. The state psychologist is told by Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has an affair with the psychologist.

Scenario 5:
Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1957 - Mark shares his aspirin with the Principal out on the smoking dock.
2007 - The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is then searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario 6:
Pedro fails high school English.
1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college.
2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English is then banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario 7:
Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red ant bed.
1957 - Ants die.
2007 - ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigates his parents -- and all siblings are removed from their home and all computers are confiscated. Johnny's dad is placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario 8:
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

Bong. Ding. Bong bong ding.

2009-10-03T12:09:00.004-04:00

I just feel like posting something light since my last two post were quite heavy...

Ladies & Gents, I give you the 4 way crimp from The Mighty Boosh.

Enjoy.

If you didn't know...

2009-09-22T23:13:00.003-04:00

When I say "I want to die" or "I feel like dying" Its not a cry for help. I am not going to off myself. I got too much to live for. I just need to say it sometimes. It's in my brain & it has to come out.

For those that don't know, I'm bi-polar. I've suffered with it for a long time. I don't take medication. I won't take medication. I'm afraid if I do I will lose me. Most of the time I'm on the up side of this disorder, most of the time. It just happens that when the downswing comes it can be very bad.

My symptoms when I'm down are, of course, depression, physical pain, thoughts of suicide, hopelessness, I sleep hard and a lot of crying. This is when I usually become very anti social. I want to just stay in bed. This is what I like to call "A bad brain day."

When I am up I am jittery, antsy, I start things and don't finish, I hear things (Auditory hallucinations. NOT voices. I actually hear doorbells.), I don't sleep, I have wild ideas and thoughts, and I tend to be very spacey.

Usually I am at a balance. When balanced I'm ok. I'm not sad or overly happy. I'm good. I'm creative and finish my projects. I am me.

So there ya go. I don't want to scare anyone. I just thought I should explain myself.

...

2009-09-13T15:40:00.001-04:00

My life is falling apart and there is no one here that can help me keep it together.

I really want to die.

Where the hell is the porter?

2009-09-06T08:16:00.001-04:00

I'm ready to get off this train.

I'm tired of feeling like this.

I'm done.

I quit.

When I grow up...

2009-07-22T04:03:00.003-04:00

I want to be a roller derby girl. I've always wanted to do this. I saw a thing on the news about the team in Greenville. I got kinda curious if there was any here. Guess what? The Classic City Rollergirls in Athens! They're always looking for girls and I was a pretty good skater back in the day.

Maybe this is just another dream not to be answered like the coffee shop.

Or maybe I should just suck it up and see what happens... maybe.

So would you guys come & see me skate?

My Dearest Ashley & Robby...

2009-07-20T02:44:00.012-04:00

Found some interesting idea photos for some shots. Here are a few. I do have more...

I'm Inspired. How about you?

Sundays were made to be lazy...

2009-07-19T16:49:00.001-04:00

Egg salad sammitches with fries, glass of sweet tea, relaxing on the nanny couch, kitty on my lap, and Law and Order: SVU on the tube.

Life is good.

Even tho it's raining, I see the sun.

2009-07-06T08:12:00.002-04:00

For the first time in about 2 weeks I am pain free. I feel like I could do anything right now. No pain in my tummy, very little pain in my head. It's been rough for me these past weeks. I've felt very much alone. I know it's because of the pain. Pain has ruled my life lately, emotional and physical. I'm just really happy it's fading. Maybe I can get on with my life, being with my friends and laughing again.

But now it's The Manchurian Candidate. The original of course. Happy Birthday, Janet Leigh.

A sad day...

2009-06-19T15:42:00.004-04:00

I just found out that one of the classic landmarks in Athens, Georgia has been gutted by fire. The Georgia Theater was a great place. If you never got to go there you missed out. I can remember in 1995 going there with my friends for a crazy disco night thing and watching Cory do this odd windmill twirly dance. It was a place where everybody had played. From Dave Matthews to Phish to REM to David Allen Coe and everybody in between.

It was an icon of the way Athens used to be. The real Athens. Not these fake ass clubs full of vapid girls or what passes as a "good" club. Back when Athens was The 40 Watt, Boneshakers, Jittery's and Blue Sky. Hanging out in front of Pain and Wonder talking to bands. Getting drunk & walking to The Grill so you could sober up with fries & feta or onion rings. This was my Athens. This was the way it was.

And now a piece is gone.

Falling

2009-04-28T04:33:00.001-04:00

Stepping out on a bridge that's crumbling beneath my feet. I'll look where I'm going. I won't care that I'm falling. I'll just drift. Falling until someone is there to catch me. If no one is there, just let me crash.

Tear,

2009-04-08T19:33:00.004-04:00

This is my favorite photo of mine. This is my favorite child. How can you not love that face?

Lost and Lonely.

2009-04-06T05:38:00.003-04:00

I'm feeling like I don't have a friend in this world. I don't know why. I know I'm loved. I have several people that love me. I know this. I don't know why I feel so damn alone.

*sigh* Fuck.

Bad Mutha' Humpper.

2009-03-17T03:35:00.004-04:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, I ask you two questions... Why is that kid humping that pizza? And Is that cheese? Please god tell me that is cheese.

Picture Post: What makes my heart sing.

2009-02-21T12:00:00.012-05:00

I am going to give myself a stroke one day.

2009-02-09T09:28:00.004-05:00

Just a few thoughts...

I'm going to go off a moment. Please excuse me while I rant. I got a few things on my mind. It's no big deal. I just feel like I need to scream a bit.

#1: Michael Phelps. He smokes pot. Whoopity doo. I am all about the decriminalization of marijuana. You can't make it legal. The legalization of pot is like communism, looks good on paper but it would never really work in real life. Back to Phelps. He's really just a kid if you think about it. A really fast swimming type kid, but still he's young! Let him have some fun. So he hits the bong (Like a pro so I heard.) it's not like he was doing it during the Olympics. We know this because stoners do not move that fast unless donuts are involved. He didn't hurt anyone. Yeah it's illegal, but it's better than the DUI charge he got after the 2004 games. Rather be around a pot head than a drunk any day. Does anyone else think its funny that the first sponsor he lost was Kellog's? I'm just saying...

#2: Stupid Hippies. Now I know I just got done ranting about the use of Mary Jane and you're thinking "But Robin, How can you praise the use of the hippies favorite drug and then bash hippies!?!?" And to that I say shut the fuck up, this is my journal/blog. Anyway, the hippies or greenies if you will, I am speaking of blocked a Japanese whaling ship that had a DEAD whale on it. A dead whale. Dead. It had ceased to be. It was an ex- whale. WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY GONNA DO MAKE IT ALIVE AGAIN!?!?! On top of them trying to save a dead animal, the crashed into the other ship spilling all those oh so healthy chemicals that fish love to swim belly up in. Let's recap, the whale you want to "save" is dead, you're preventing people that are just trying to do a job to do it instead of going after the whaling companies, and now you have pretty much shit on this particular eco system. GREAT JOB! You patchouli smelling freaks.

#3: The "remake" of Friday the Thirteenth. Fuck me. What's worse, I will be seeing it. Damn. It.

#4: Art Theft. I wish to rant about this cause I see it more and more. I see the works of several artists I watch on DA on other websites, like Gaia and on Facebook as Flair. What the hell. I know my friends "steal" my pictures and post them on MySpace or Facebook. If I asked for credit I know they would give it to me. But I'm still hesitant to put up my work. All I want is credit. If you have my work just put my name next to it. Is that too much to ask... oh wait how about you keep your hands off of my work! Is THAT to much to ask?!?!

Ok. I think I have vented enough. I just had to get that off my chest and out of my head.

Picture Post: How I feel almost everyday

2009-02-09T08:23:00.007-05:00

I don't have a monkey on my back...

2009-01-30T17:38:00.002-05:00

This is my favorite picture. I hate myself in it but I love how Brandon just popped up in it when Lori took it. Me & Brandon have been friends for years. We have been thru a hell of a lot together. Good and bad. He's one of my best friends and I love him a whole bunch.
He's brought into my life great joy in the form of his fantastic wife, whom I love just as much as him and his son who I adore beyond words. Brandon is one of the few people that I know I can turn to in my times of need. I know he is one of the few people that will be there for me. He's also one of the few people that can tell when something is wrong with me. I will always be thankful for his friendship. I am very, very glad I have a Brandon on my shoulder.

Two Words.

2009-01-24T15:34:00.003-05:00

Thank you. Thank you for a wonderful weekend. Thank you you being my friends. Thank you for letting me be a part of your lives. Thank You.

What is wrong with this photo??

2009-01-11T18:17:00.003-05:00

This... This is an affront to god and all things holy. Why in the hell would any one buy Mountain Dew that doesn't have caffeine in it? Does that not defeat the purpose of Mountain Dew? I know it's the reason I drink it. Well that and I am hopelessly addicted to it. Mmmm Dew-y goodness.

2009, a time for what?

2009-01-08T13:12:00.002-05:00

I have no idea. I'm not to good with too much change, so lets just say 2009 is just a time.

I'm sitting here, Pearl Jam blasting from the living area, I'm all alone. I don't even see Neko scurrying here and there. I'm covered in paint. I can smell the clear coat I just applied to a creation. My hands are dry feeling from what one could call Sculpey scum. Ideas run thru my head at mach 10, warp speed 5, the speed of light.

I guess all is right with the world.

Merry whatever.

2008-12-24T06:20:00.003-05:00

Well it's xmas eve. It doesn't feel like it. I have never been this out of the xmas spirit. Could be the drama that I had dumped on me by Jodie. It could be the fact that my life is so chaotic. It could be the freakin' 60 degree temps we've been having. It could be that this is the first xmas without Pa.

Everything has been up & down. I think I'm climbing out of my sadness, then BOOM, right back down again. My Nanny keeps asking me why I don't put up a tree. I haven't got the heart to tell her that I get depressed looking at a xmas tree. I despise this time of year.

The only thing I enjoy is The Defoor's Festivus for the Rest of Us. I had a blast! Don't worry, pictures will be coming soon. You guys know me, I have to mess with them before I show them. It's what I do.

Anyway, I really should sleep. I have to go to a very uncomfortable xmas eve dinner at my aunts. Fun times, fun times.

Getting to know you.

2008-12-19T16:47:00.001-05:00

Here are 30 random facts about me. Dana did this on DA and with the way my life has been the past few days I need something cathartic.

1. I hate the color yellow.

2. I am a nerd. I used to hate to be thought of that way but now I embrace it.

3. I wish I could draw.

4. I am looking for happiness. I haven't found it yet.

5. I maybe "the creepy chick" but deep down I'm looking for my fairy tale.

6. I love animation. I absolutely adore cartoons of just about any kind.

7. I'm really shy. I may not act it, but sometimes I feel uncomfortable in social situations.

8. I am a whore, but I refuse to accept that I really am a shit person.

9. I am driven by my sense of smell. There are smells that effects my emotions so strongly. Old motor
oil is one of them. Old guitar cases are another.

10. I cry. I cry a lot. Sometimes for no reason. Sometimes for reasons only I know.

11. Sometimes I really do want to die. This is not a cry for help. This is not me being EMO. This is the
truth. Sometimes I think the world would be better off without me. Then I realize how selfish it is. I move on.

12. I would rather buy video games, dvds, cds, and books than clothing.

13. I love food. I would rather go out for a good dinner with my friends than go party. We can party after! :)

14. I want to be a mom. I'm just afraid I can't.

15. I have a weakness for shoes, necklaces, and hats.

16. I don't mind being a shoulder for the people I love.

17. I constantly have a headache. It's so regular now I don't even notice.

18. I'm proud of my heritage. My Irish heritage and my southern heritage. I am proud to be from the south.

19. Nagasaki and Hiroshima make me ashamed. Thank you The Atomic Cafe.

20. I don't do roller coasters.

21. I love a glass of tea when I first wake up.

22. Fresh cut grass under bare feet is the best feeling.

23. I am afraid of heights, snakes, the dark, and people in animal costumes.

24. If I could be in any story book it wouldn't be Wonderland like most people would think. It would be in
the Oz series. But I get to be the wicked witch!

25. If I could live anywhere in the world, I would want to live in a small town in Ireland or England.

26. I don't feel normal. I don't feel that special either.

27. I am lonely. Even in a room full of people, I feel alone.

28. I love to write. I wish I could do it better.

29. I dance all the time. Even if there isn't music I can still bust a move.

30. My heart is held together with duct tape & hot glue. I hope it holds.

Bring me the heads of The Jonas Brothers...

2008-12-05T05:33:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow... uhhhh I mean, Today I am going to see a Nerdcore show. Me and Poot. It should be interesting. I'll fill in the details when I get home.

Let's play catch up, shall we?

2008-11-29T05:13:00.001-05:00

Let's see. I am still alive. I'm still here. No big news. That was easy.

Too much thought.

2008-11-07T13:08:00.003-05:00

I think back. I think back on what happened. I think back on bruises and blood, cuddled under blankets, sharing one bed. I think back on seeing you really smile for the first time. I think back and for a brief moment... I miss you. Only for a second. Then reality slaps me in the face and I think forward. I think of the pain you caused. Physical and emotional. I think of the lies you told. I think of how in the end it was better for us both.

I don't miss you anymore.

This. This makes me smile.

2008-10-26T21:54:00.004-04:00

When I see pictures like this. Ashley telling a story, making everyone laugh. Tom smiling slightly. This is when I know how lucky I am. I really, really am.

Don't you know that you are a shooting star...

2008-10-18T23:08:00.003-04:00

I got Rock Band 2 for the 360 & it kicks ass!! I have been playing the vocal challenges since I think I am a pretty comparable singer. Not great, but I know I can hold a note pretty well. I've just completed one challenged that unlocked another. This one called Vocal Nightmares. I must say, they're not lying. First song is Aqualung by Jethro Tull. Next, Come out and Play by The Offspring. Then, White Wedding by Billy Idol. Then, You Oughta Know by God herself, Alanis Morissette. Finishing up with Any Way You Want It by Journey. I do not think my vocal chords will survive. What's even scarier, this isn't the top challenge. Someone hold me!

Rock Band and the Boys...

2008-10-16T01:29:00.002-04:00

Jill's boys came up yesterday. Ryan, Kendall, & Adam. It was fun, we played Rock Band and just had a blast. Caine came home today. He may be going back out again soon. That's the way it is with this job. He doesn't mind tho. He likes it. Right now everyone is asleep. Including Will, so I am just sitting here watching this show on pageants. I really should turn it. These people piss me off. There is one girl that just sang.. HORRIBLY! Yeah, I'm going to watch Mythbusters. I feel my brain being sucked out by the vacuousness that is the pageant lifestyle. *sigh* Kill me.

My Favorite Geek in the Pink

2008-10-08T21:40:00.001-04:00

And you wonder why I love him so...

That Sound So Loud.

2008-10-08T03:58:00.003-04:00

No one here but me and the cat. It's kinda nice. I'm a little lonely. I didn't think i would be but I am. Maybe it's the quiet. I'm not used to the quiet.

Still looking for my happily ever after...

2008-10-07T01:01:00.000-04:00

Cinderella

The prince leans to the girl in scarlet heels,
Her green eyes slant, hair flaring in a fan
Of silver as the rondo slows; now reels
Begin on tilted violins to span

The whole revolving tall glass palace hall
Where guests slide gliding into light like wine;
Rose candles flicker on the lilac wall
Reflecting in a million flagons' shine,

And glided couples all in whirling trance
Follow holiday revel begun long since,
Until near twelve the strange girl all at once
Guilt-stricken halts, pales, clings to the prince

As amid the hectic music and cocktail talk
She hears the caustic ticking of the clock.

Sylvia Plath

What the..

2008-10-06T06:22:00.003-04:00

It's 6:23 am. I can't sleep, as usual. Flipping the channels, what do I see? An infomercial on tasers. Yes, tasers. Oh but wait, there's more! Not only can you get a taser but you can get them in different colors! And if you order today you can also get a fashionable tote and holster to go with it.

Damn I think I have found my xmas presents for everyone this year! Tasers for all!!

But don't take my word for it... TASERS!

Y'all need to quit playing..

2008-09-24T19:35:00.002-04:00

Clay Aikin is gay. DUH! Lindsay Lohan is sayin' she's gay. Whoopity fuckin' doo. Wall Street is in dire sorts. Gas is becoming scarce. People are dying. The biggest story on everyone's mind is the sexual orientation of a failing child star & a guy that came in second in a singing compitition.

god bless america.

Viddy well, oh my brothers...

2008-09-22T12:56:00.002-04:00

This is real Horrorshow!!!

Who wants to go to Savannah?? Come on.. It's Malcolm!!!

Let the wookie win.

2008-09-21T08:45:00.002-04:00

This could be the funniest thing EVER!

It made me laugh so hard. I forgot about the nausea in my tummy, and just rolled!!!!

The sad story how we became lonely two legged creatures..

2008-09-20T09:19:00.003-04:00

I hate the feeling I have been having of late. I'm so worried all the time. I feel like that there will be a bad happening soon. I feel helpless & so alone. I hate it.

Sometimes I wish I could just turn off everything I feel just for a little while. Just so I can get my head together. I know I can't.

Bark like a big dog.

2008-09-17T16:54:00.001-04:00

I'm posting this here because it's just too cute not to share.

Aiden Gray is the cutest thing EVER!!!

Again with the blogging...

2008-09-17T14:08:00.000-04:00

So here I be. Sitting here in front of yet another blogging type dealie. I guess you could say I am a glutton for punishment. I know I'll start writing in this thing day in & day out. Filling this wretched little box with insomnia fueled ramblings. Please take a moment & read. Enjoy. Savor. Comment. Stand on your head & recite the preamble to the constitution. I make no promises. I offer no apologies. This is just another one of those blogging things.

Hold on, this could get bumpy.